Is it wrong?
by koneko zero
Summary: Oneshot. "I have no one to hold my hand." In her final moments, Sakura remembers her friends and considers what their losses mean for her own.


Is it wrong for me to feel a little angry with them right now

This oneshot was inspired by the song "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. I know it's quite short, but I hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, as a broke student I don't have the funds to buy the rights to Naruto. But just wait, Kishimoto, for when I've made my fortune…

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-- -- --

Is it wrong for me to feel a little angry with them right now? They say that you should never speak ill of the dead, but…

I am alone.

I was beside each of them when they died. There was an unspoken rule within the hospital – if a member of the Rookie 9 or Team Gai was slipping away, they were to call for me, no matter what I was doing. I would be the one to try to save them. I exhausted my chakra reserves, comforted them, held their hands, stayed with them. If my friends should die, I wanted it to be in my arms, after every last effort had been made, not beside an unknown medic who might have made the call to _let_ them go.

It is miraculous that they each made it back to Konoha at all – in many cases their wounds should have overpowered them long before I could try to smile for them. The Akatsuki and their forces were vicious, attacking the wounded with more passion than they did those who were still able to fight. There was no way that I would waste that miracle by not rushing to their side.

As one of Konoha's most skilled medics, it was seen as "too great a risk" for me to follow my friends into battle. Every time I watched their backs fade into the distance I was once again my genin self, a weak girl-child, and it felt like the shame would cripple me. After Sasuke's return it only became worse… I stopped going to see them off, couldn't bear to face them as they showed their strength. I couldn't bear to see their formation compensating for the gap left by another of my heart's darlings.

I was foolish.

Inside, I knew that it was my strength that kept me within the village. That those lost would have been proud to see their comrades show such tenacity. That it was my fear of that goodbye being our final one that kept me from screaming my encouragement as they vanished from sight.

If it was that which brought them back to me for a final farewell, then I have never been so glad to be a fool.

-- -- --

Gai-san grinning up at me through a battered face, telling me to stay safe.

Sai reaching for his brush and ink, as though he could see something I could not.

Tsunade's soft smile as I whispered, "Sayonara, Kaa-san."

Shino mumbling for me to look after his butterfly garden.

Lee-san giving me his best "Good-Guy" pose as he told me not to worry.

Naruto's azure eyes dimming as he kissed my fingers.

Kiba gritting his teeth against the pain of his wounds, even as he smiled to meet the end.

Chouji asking me to keep a close eye on Shikamaru for him.

Kakashi wiping away my tears with a shaking hand.

Ino sobbing as I held her close, telling me she didn't want to go yet.

Neji asking me if it was weak of him to be afraid at the end, and the shame leaving his eyes as I replied, "No."

Yamato's long, slow exhale.

Tenten squeezing my hand so tightly my bones ground together.

Hinata's efforts to keep her eyes open long enough to see her sister.

Shikamaru asking me to open the window a little more.

Sasuke's pale lips forming the words, "Thank you, Sakura. I understand."

-- -- --

Each of them left me, and now I'm the one to die beside a cold stranger.

I have no one to hold my hand.

Somehow, I can't stay angry with them. Knowing I saved them from this awkward tension, that I gave them the freedom to speak their minds at the end, that they didn't feel alone… I feel honoured that it was me beside them.

They say that when you die, a part of your soul remains with those who were there. I am the proud bearer of the souls of many of the greatest ninja in Konoha's history.

I feel ashamed that I'm not leaving them to another who understands their value.

"_That doesn't matter, Sakura-chan."_

Hope flares. There may be no one waiting for me to leave, but maybe…

"_Did you wait for me?"_

-- -- --

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama. Haruno-san is gone."

Konohamaru's eyes closed for a moment, before he nodded and whispered a soft apology to the lifeless woman on the bed for his lateness.

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Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. Reviews would be lovely, but please make it constructive criticism rather than flaming.


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